Hi. My girlfriend and I are dating for 2 years. And we are having an issue for the longest time. She doesn’t go out at all. I think we have barely gone out 10 times or so. While I see my couple friends enjoying and partying every weekend.
I always have a fight with her about it. I just don’t get it. I want to be able to spend a fun time with her outside of her or my home. And do regular stuff what others do. And I am not asking for much but at least once a month to begin with. It’s getting so routine our meetings and dates. And whenever I ask her, she just brushes the topic and tells me ‘do I want to waste our time again fighting’. What am I to do? How do I tell her that it is good and important that we go out also? It’s an important part of the relationship. Please suggest how do I proceed with the conversation?
Dr. Anjali Chhabria Answers Personal Queries.
Hi. It is understandable that you wish to have a good outing with your girlfriend but are unable to convince her to make plans which involve going out. It is possible that your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about it anymore as the conversation may be turning into a heated argument resulting in a foul mood for her and you every time. Thus to avoid the repetitive fight, she probably avoids talking about it altogether. Try to pick a time when she seems more receptive to hearing you out. Try not to tell her about going when you already have a plan in mind for both of you. This may lead her to shun the topic again. It will be easier for her to talk to you when she feels confident that you will understand her viewpoint and not force her to do things. Thus, it is important to ask her in the conversation the reason due to which she doesn’t like to go out as often. For example, if expenses are an issue, then mutually discuss about it and select places according to her comfort as well. Or another possibility is that she may not be very comfortable with your idea of going out. For instance, you may like partying while she prefers going for movies or having a good meal. In this case, you both need to come to a compromise and do not enforce your liking onto her. Try to listen to her viewpoint than insisting why you think you both ‘should’ go out. It is important that you understand her opinion, at the same time, tell her why would you like to go out with her. Try to focus on the experience of going out with her more than anything else. Sometime, couples also come up with a list to do for each other. For instance, you can do something you do not like to do which she wants to do with you in trade for her going out with you. This has been a very practical approach and usually is successful.
