'But isn’t this anti-feminist?’ a friend asked when I told her about the story I was working on for Women’s Day. ‘Rather, it’s the truth!’ piped up another. No points in guessing which side of the table I was on. For decades, we’ve fooled ourselves into thinking that we can have it all, if only if we push ourselves a little more. If we work harder. If we woke up earlier. If we sacrificed a bit more. If we became a little less selfish. Well, guess what, it’s 2022 and no, the ‘have it all’ trophy is not within our reach. As we celebrate Women’s Day, the question to ask instead is: what does the concept of having it all even mean?
The idea of having all aspects of your life figured out looks great on paper. You have a dream job, the perfect family dynamics, you pay close attention to your health, your finances are in place, and your love life could pretty much be a Cecelia Ahern romantic novel. What it does, in reality, is give women a constant feeling of having missed out on something. Geeta Chandran, renowned Bharatnatyam dancer and Padma Shri awardee, feels that the best question to ask instead is, “Why would women want it all? Do men have it all? I can reiterate that all women should be free to dream big and be provided with the ladders required to reach their dreams. There can be no one-size-fits-all!”
Dr Geetanjali Chopra, Founder and President of Wishes and Blessings, adds that the concept of chasing a ‘having it all’ state is nothing short of harmful. Drawing from her experiences, she shares, “When I started, I found it extremely hard to achieve all that I wanted without continuously being subjected to different mindsets and circumstances. As much as I wish for women to ‘have it all,’ the current situation is not ideal for that to happen. We have come far, but there is still a long road ahead to reach a state of equity. There are many milestones to achieve, various injustices and inequalities to fight before ‘women can have it all.’
A published author, screenwriter, filmmaker and founder of Cornucopia Pictures, Roopal Kewalya, feels that women need to define what having it ‘all’ even means to them. “For many women, having a job with financial independence and a married life with motherhood would be the definition of all. For someone else, it could be a high achieving job with a breaking-glass-ceiling kind of success along with a supportive partner. The definition of ‘all’ changes with time and generation.”
Creating opportunities
The society we live in expects women to have it all figured out. Any struggle is seen as a sort of weakness driving women to feel guilty and unhappy and putting them in a constant chase for a state that probably doesn’t even exist. To equip women to reach a position where they can have it all, our society has a long way to go. “The three fundamental pillars of positive change are education, awareness, and sensitivity. Starting at a grass-root level, the current generation needs to be educated and made aware of gender equality, equal rights and status, respect for women, and sensitivity, not just of men towards women, but towards all genders,” explains Dr Geetanjali. “We must encourage growth and development, support women in all spheres and walks of life, regardless of their means of contributing to the community, and mostly just start by believing that women are no less than men.”
Kamakshi Agarwala, Founder of lingerie brand Buttchique, highlights the problem in the workforce that stops women from having it all. “There are existing biases in our society that women are not made for certain professions or that women can’t leave their mark and legacy in male-dominated sectors — all of these make no sense at all in today’s day and age. The key is to ensure that our collective conscience and thought processes must move towards thinking and real-life actions based on the reality that women can indeed have it all!
Dr Chiranjiv Chhabra, Dermatologist and Director at Alive Wellness Clinics, adds that gender equality in and out of the workspace is a key pointer to helping women reach a space where they can aim high. “There is a large segment of women around us who are fighting for their basic rights. Whether we address it or not, social issues like education for a girl, dowry, physical or mental abuse, and women's safety remain a major concern in India. In an average Indian household, not every woman enjoys free will. Their right to work after marriage, right to have a social life, right to have a career, and make a choice that makes them happy is challenged every day.”
Changing perspectives
Roopal believes that a sure way of making the path easier for women is by turning this question to men. “The answer lies in the fact that men never get asked that question. Clearly, they have attained it ‘all’ because of the presence of immense moral, emotional, domestic and, in many cases, even financial support by the women who take care of everything else at home. So, I think it’s better to ask this question from men. Bringing them to the table where this conversation is would be insightful, to say the least.” She adds that women need an abundance of moral, emotional and domestic support, among other things, to reach this space. “I feel it is the moral responsibility of each woman to support other women who are less privileged than her. Just as women before us have paved the way for us to arrive at a point where we have a voice, we can vote, dress and study and be free to make choices; we need to carry forward the good work and fight for the next level of equality.
Geeta adds that for women to have the space to have it all, they also need the right tools. “I think the key lies in economic freedom and financial independence. Learning to invest, keep track of profits, and own property in their names are all the fundamentals if women must have it all. And all women should be encouraged to make their wills. That will radically change society’s perspective on their value.”
On International Women’s Day, we can start with redefining what having it ‘all’ means and work towards building a society that equips women to dream big and have it all. Ritika Jatin Ahuja, Chief Operating Officers and Marketing Head of Big Boy Toyz's, ends the conversation by giving the power back to women. “One should have faith in one’s abilities and the courage to withstand a fall and the will to rise. If a woman can bring one to life, she definitely can achieve what she wants and have it all.”
