Love, the most important virtue in life, is also the most misunderstood one! This is the root cause of problems in most of the relationships today. An entire life passes by without realising the true meaning of love. People misinterpret their moha as love — both are poles apart, love gives happiness and liberation, whereas moha brings suffering and bondage. Love is pure, and unconditional, where you become a giver without expecting anything in return. It is serving others selflessly. It sets you free, there is no pain, no jealousy nor selfish motives.
Love is God... when it is difficult to understand God, how would it be easy to understand love? As per Narad Bhakti Sutra, our one and only task in this human birth is to love, ‘Prem iva Karyam’. It also states that pure love is the highest state of Bhakti where you completely surrender to the one you love, like Vraja Gopis, who dedicated their life in complete devotion to Lord Krishna without expecting anything in return.
When you love with expectations in return, it is moha. When your expectations are not fulfilled, you feel angry and disheartened. Many times you stop loving the person and get out of that relationship because it does not give you happiness. Most of the relationships last till they are beneficial as they are based on moha, not love. This reminds me of a verse from Bhaja Govindam where great saint Adi Shankaracharya states: “As long as a man is fit and capable to earn money, everyone in the family shows affection towards him. But afterwards, when the body becomes weak, even the family members do not inquire about him.” Remember, love with expectations is bound to create bondage, a sense of attachment and possessiveness that will ultimately result in sorrow.
Have you ever seen a mother sparrow who searches for food and puts it into its babies’ mouth? She selflessly nurtures the newborn babies and once they are capable, pushes them out of the nest so they can fly high and live independently. She does her duty without being attached. This is true love.
But what do humans do? Once the child grows, the parents try to control, interfere and influence the child’s decisions out of their own insecurity, fear and selfish motives. Just think! If a soldier’s parents would have thought that their child should stay back home and look after them, then would we have so many brave men and women to defend our country? In the same way, if Jijamata had selfishly loved her son, the great King Shivaji Maharaj, she would have asked him to run away from the demonic enemy Afzal Khan to save his own life. On the contrary, she motivated Shivaji to fight Afzal Khan with courage, purely out of her true selfless love towards the country.
Love is to sacrifice your own choices, wishes and support your loved ones to do what they like to do, even if it brings you sadness or discomfort. Whereas, moha is to control or influence the decisions of your loved ones for your own happiness, likes and dislikes even if it brings them sadness or discomfort.
It is time you check your relationship meter to see if it reads love or moha.
(The writer is a spiritual leader and the founder of Antar Yog Foundation. To know more about the foundation, visit https://learn.antaryogfoundation.in)
