Bollywood actress Tamannaah Bhatia recently shared her insights on relationships during a podcast on the Figuring Out hosted by Raj Shamani. In their engaging conversation, Tamannaah discussed how trying to change your partner is a sign of a red flag in the relationship. She said, "One shouldn’t try so hard to change your partner and turn them into what you think is their perfect version, which is actually what you want them to be. It’s a form of control. It’s a red flag."
While it's common to believe that changing our partner for the better is positive, we often overlook that we may be shaping them into something that we feel is "perfect." There is a significant difference between guiding someone's personal growth and moulding them into something they're not. We may not know, but this practice can be unhealthful and toxic for the relationship.
Here Are Reasons Why Trying To Change Your Partner Is A Red Flag
Lack of Acceptance
Attempting to change your partner may be a sign that you are struggling to accept them as they are. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and acceptance, and wanting to change someone reflects that you are lacking in that area.
Unrealistic Expectations
Trying to change your partner can also indicate unrealistic expectations and idealised versions of what a relationship should be according to you. This can lead to frustration and disappointment when your other half doesn't meet those expectations, ultimately creating a toxic and unhealthy relationship.
Control Issues
A desire to change your partner can be a sign of control issues. Instead, you can work together to address relationship challenges and foster personal growth together for a healthy and happy relationship.
Ignoring Compatibility
If you are focused on changing someone, it might mean you're not addressing the root cause, which can be a compatibility issue. It's crucial to understand each other's experiences, upbringing, values, goals and lifestyles rather than trying to mould someone into what you want.
Emotional Disconnection
The need to change your partner can indicate a deeper emotional disconnection or dissatisfaction with the relationship. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual understanding and growth rather than trying to reshape each other.
A 29-year-old from Mumbai said, "Only insecure people try to change their partners. And when you're not enough for someone, no amount of 'changes' will make them happy. My ex was someone who partied a lot, judged people based on their bank balance, and did things for validation. Soon, he started projecting those insecurities onto me by dictating how I should dress, how I should be in public, greet his friends, etc. Months into the relationship, he'd nitpick on every single action. I was lucky to be living in a different city; at least, it gave me some time away from that negativity. But whenever we did meet, this person would tell me how I was responsible for him having a bad day. I'm glad I knew who I was. I never changed. I walked out of the relationship when I got the chance. But the longer you stay, the worse your health gets."
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Representative image | Canva
"My ex and I met on Bumble, and we instantly hit it off. We were literally joined at the hip; our bond was something like straight out of a fairy tale. Two years down the line, we moved in with each other, and that’s when things started getting rough. We fought a lot on a lot of issues. He would particularly have a problem with my eating habits. He would publicly humiliate me for eating something he didn’t want me to eat. Things got out of hand when he abandoned me in the middle of nowhere outside a restaurant that we went to after I ordered a cheesecake that he didn’t want me to have. He would body shame me and make me starve myself. I had nowhere else to go. My breaking point was here, and I had to break things off with him. Now that I think about it, it would have been better if I stood up for myself a bit then," a 25-year-old from Thane said.
