There is a new trend emerging in India particularly among the elders in metros and urban places. They want to live independently and do not want to be a burden on their children. This is a new sense of “independence syndrome” among elders.
In fact, the trend of breakdown of the unitary family system is beneficial and proving to be an advantage to this section of elderly people. There are many reasons for this emerging trend.
First, because of medical advancement and health-conscious lifestyle followed, many of the recently retired elders are still young in thought and lively. Hence, they want to enjoy an independent & adventurous life.
Second, they are also aware that they may lose their independence, to a significant extent, if they live with their children as they may have to spend considerable time only looking after their grandchildren.
Third, many of them are also conscious that staying together might lead to more “differences” than “proximity”. And finally, the elders want to explore new passions of life that may not always be possible if they live with their children and behave according to their convenience.
And hence for many elders who are physically, mentally, and financially capable, staying alone and independent has become the new trend. They may stay in their own houses or rental places or even in old age complexes / houses but would like to stay by themselves and independently.
Does it really make any difference:
Staying together or in separate places, in fact, does not make much difference. It is a feeling of “pseudo security” for elders if they stay with young children as the latter might take care of them in case of any exigency. Yes, to some extent it might be true, but we also see that staying together, in many cases, increases the differences.
Value systems being different, tunings never match and there are very often differences of opinion. Advice by grandparents for the benefit of the grandchildren are taken as an interference.
Food habits, hobbies, entertainment patterns are also diametrically different. The elderly, sometimes, may not be able to withstand the noises of the parties and other events and that creates further problems.
Hence, we see that as there are benefits, there are strong negative points as well to living together under a single roof. In active elder life, the negatives are, sometimes, more than positive ones. This could be the reason behind the current thinking of many seniors about living alone, staying independent and enjoying life as it comes.
What is needed is meet of the heart:
What is needed of the hour is to bring the “generations together” so that they can remain socially and emotionally connected with mutual “love” and “respect,” however distant they may physically be.
Our own studies show that there are cases where the parents and children are in the same city but do meet only once or twice a year, during some birthdays or other functions. There is no “soul to soul” connection.
There are other cases where they live thousands of miles away, but children talk to their parents every day enquiring about their health and well-being. They remain connected daily. In a technology driven world, being in touch is not difficult.
Being in touch in the real sense (mentally & psychologically) is the real issue. And both parties, elders and the second generation are equally responsible for the same. Building a relationship based on “trust” and “emotional quotient” is extremely important. The location of either does not make any difference. In this highly connected world, people can reach any distance anyway max in a couple of days.
Going forward:
What the UN or WHO are trying to achieve is to create a “global eco-system” where people of all ages can live together, may not be under the same roof but in the same communities. Infrastructure is one part of the story that needs to be age friendly in such cases.
The more important is tolerance of value systems of all generations that may not be alike or building a system that is full of trust for all ages. If that happens, the world will become a “global hub for all ages.” Each house will then be an “extended family”.
People in such communities can live together, pray together, eat food together, do all their daily activities together, albeit with respect to each other. Such a “global all age community” is the need of the hour.
Some breakthroughs have been achieved; but we have miles to go. If the aspirations of elders to “age happily” must be met in full, it can be so only in such an environment.
Let us, therefore, not talk about “individual families;” the need for the hour is to create “global families.” Let us look forward to a peaceful, cohesive, co-operative world where people of all ages cohabit quietly respecting the values of each other.
(By Dr A K Sen Gupta, Chief Trustee of My Retired Life Foundation (MRLF). He may be contacted at aksengupta51@gmail.com or 9821128103)
