In his poignant poem ‘On Children’, poet Kahlil Gibran explores the theme of the relationship between parents and their children, emphasising the idea of children as independent beings with their own destinies. The poem suggests that while parents play a crucial role in nurturing and guiding their children, they do not own them. Gibran emphasises that children have their own paths and identities. He writes, “You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts.”
In Indian society, the dynamic between children and parents is often characterised by a high level of parental control and the giving of instructions. Many parents today overlook their children’s creative inclinations and imaginative minds, instead enrolling them in coaching classes aimed at preparing for medical and engineering entrance exams. After all, life for these students revolves around coaching centres. Anxiety-driven parents want their children to focus solely on cracking these exams, even if it means ignoring everything else. Is becoming a doctor, an engineer or a bureaucrat the alpha and omega of one’s life?
We are led to believe that those students — primarily NEET and JEE aspirants — who continue to kill themselves in Kota were not the sharpest knives in the drawer, and had no potential for success in life. That’s not true. Their fear stemmed from the dire consequences of potential failure. They struggled to accept the harsh reality that society treats failure with utmost seriousness. Some of these students, unable to cope with the pressures of their studies, have tragically ended their lives. This is leading to a severe mental health crisis in our country among youngsters. They might have thrived in music, sports, journalism, or painting, but were forced to march to the beat of their parents’ drum. In a cookie-cutter world, it takes courage to stand out and be different.
Have we as a society become too much obsessed with mathematics and science? Is acing the IIT and medical entrance exams regarded as the ultimate benchmark of success for today’s youth? Are some inconsiderate parents ignoring the inner voices of their children?
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Additionally, we have been conditioned to believe in the stereotype that the instinctive choice of “good and intelligent students” should be Science stream and not Humanities or Commerce stream. For most of the parents, the appeal of pursuing Science lies in its perceived practicality and potential to secure a successful career, bringing status, money, and recognition to their children. After all, money, as Bertrand Russell once said, is the accepted measure of brains. In other words, we tend to equate financial success with intelligence, often ignoring intangible human qualities. Many artistic and literary talents wither on the vine because most parents fail to identify and properly nurture these abilities. Parents should refrain from pressuring their children into choosing science or mathematics after Class 10 if they lack interest in these subjects. Students with creative and imaginative minds, often displaying exceptional brilliance, deserve as much encouragement and motivation as their peers excelling in science.
As parents, it’s time we encouraged our children to find happiness and satisfaction in activities they enjoy. By allowing them to explore diverse experiences, they can lead more meaningful lives. In schools, teachers need to encourage their students to embrace their Apollonian curiosity, fostering a love for learning and exploration. But the fact is, the absence of a reflexive education is robbing youngsters of thinking critically about what they are learning, why they are learning it, and how it applies to their own lives and the world around them.
In a recent reality show, Bollywood actor Kartik Aaryan’s mother revealed that both she and her husband are doctors and had wanted their son to become a doctor as well. However, according to Kartik, he was not very interested in taking up this profession, as he wanted to excel in other fields. And finally, in acting, he found his life’s calling.
A student with a scientific temperament has the innate ability to pioneer experiments and make discoveries for the betterment of humanity. Conversely, a student inclined towards literature and creativity finds fertile ground for their imagination in poetry and fiction. Both are likely to excel in their respective fields, having chosen them based on their own talents and passions rather than external pressure.
The truth is, tastes and talents vary widely. Every individual is born with unique abilities and potential for greatness. It is wise to let children, who are mature enough by the age of 18, decide which path to pursue. In her 1974 utopian science fiction novel titled The Dispossessed, American novelist Ursula K LeGuin says, “There’s a point, around age twenty, when you have to choose whether to be like everybody else the rest of your life, or to make a virtue of your peculiarities.”
The writer is a Delhi based journalist
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