Kabir Singh has been sparking many conversations since it released. It is being hailed by some and riled by others. Either way, it is evoking strong sentiments. People either love it or hate it. Kabir Singh is unique because it deals with a subject that is generally not dealt with in movies…toxic masculinity. While every hero in Hindi movies portrays traits of toxic masculinity,
Kabir Singh is different — he is an epitome of toxic masculinity.
So, is it wrong to make a film on toxic masculinity? Definitely not. I would in fact love to see a movie that deals with it sensitively. Kabir Singh definitely is not such a movie. What is bothersome is the treatment.
The inability to place it in a context, normalising deviant behaviour and failing to ask questions like why rejection is so difficult to bear, why he feels he has to take by force what he takes a fancy to, and why he needs to control and possess people he loves. The behaviour is glorified and rationalised as an aberration in a man who is otherwise a good human being and a great professional. It is this normalisation which is problematic.
More important than the toxic masculinity, what troubles me is the internalised misogyny that it portrays. The violence and encroaching on the space of his love and restricting her choices and freedom is seen as a way of romancing. The reviews of the film and the 3+ stars the film is receiving hail it as ‘Newfangled romantic story’, story of ‘Star crossed lovers’ etc.
Obviously, they do not see it as an exploration of the journey of a person whose perception of his masculinity has gone awry because it is not. By making it a romantic tale, the director has done grave injustice to the theme. Contrast this with Darr, the maniac obsessive lover, who stalks the woman. It shows how the life of a woman is wrecked when she becomes the target of a man’s obsessive love. By no stretch of imagination does Darr create a sympathy for the man.
Rachel Wayne says, “Toxic masculinity is not really a type of masculinity or something that any one person epitomises. It’s a construct: a set of behaviours, ideas, and other constructs that revolve around a hurtful rule: you are not a true man if you do X or if you don’t do Y. And often, these rules harm men—and everyone else.”
Toxic Masculinity is intrinsically interwoven with misogyny as perceptions of sexual prowess, use of violence to control and possess women, and undermining her choice and agency are seen as desirable traits of a MAN.
Interestingly, the same cultural norms and gender roles which promote the harmful notions of masculinity among men also create a perception among women that a real man is one who indulges in such behaviour even if it is detrimental to their own well being. That is internalised misogyny. That is exactly what the movie does by making it into a romantic tale. It normalises toxic masculinity and also misogyny.
The fact that the movie is doing well at the box office shows how deep is the internalised misogyny in our society.
The film provides a good opportunity to speak about gender norms, roles and entitlements. Are masculine traits bad? Definitely not. Competitiveness, excellence, discipline and problem solving approach have led to tremendous progress in all aspects of society. Similarly, the feminine traits of nurturing, caring and loving laid the foundation of society. The problem arises when we see these traits as exclusive to a particular gender and see them as entitlements and instruments of power and control.
In the current context of increased violence against women, gang rapes, acid attacks which arise from male entitlement and misogyny, it is important that we debunk the glorification and normalisation of harmful gender constructs that the film is providing. It would be indeed a sad day if Kabir Singh becomes the role model of the new generation of young men and women.
We need to engage with the youth through innovative means using social media, group discussions, street theatre etc to promote better understanding of gender. This is the only way we could counter the influence of films like Kabir Singh that glorify everything that is wrong in our gender constructs and perceptions.
